we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
