Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
