I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
