my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
