I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
