Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
