I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
