Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
we made out on top of his cat.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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