yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
