Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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