I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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