She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
