So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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