Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Are my feet made of real feet?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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