There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
