grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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