I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize