you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
