i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
