idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
