She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
