Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
