I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
