I wish I only lived at night.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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