I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
