I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
