someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
