What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
