She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize