I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
