You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
