i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
