just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
