My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
