In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
