he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
