i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
