She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
