I want to walk on stilts...naked
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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