he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
