On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
