Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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