I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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