yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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