i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
