I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
