I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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