You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
