Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
