At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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