he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize