Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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