he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
