I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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