you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
