So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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