guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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