I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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