I wish I could teleport
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
