I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
