Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
