high people should be assigned attendants
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
