Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
