Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
