It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
