It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
