I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We have started to decorate penises.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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