he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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