I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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