I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
