you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
