Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
