I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
