Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
