Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
