How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
