ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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