I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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