how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize