I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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