bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
