Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize