I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
