Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
