I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
