so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
