Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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