There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
