I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize