I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
