I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
