drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
