I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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