I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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