I think i peed on brittanys purse
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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