It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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