So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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