my phone needs a breathalizer
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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