i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize