My hair reeks of homosexuality.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
