bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
