I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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