He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
