I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
