Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize