I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize