just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
