Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
