My pussy is not your playground.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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