Porn is love you can see.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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