I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
