Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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