Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
