sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
