The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
