My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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