Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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